An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
