see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
