I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
