You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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