hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I faked an abortion last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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