Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
