i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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