Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
