She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize