well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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