He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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