i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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