My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
