I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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