If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
