broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I could fuck to npr.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
