Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
