A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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