is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
