I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
