I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
