whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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