don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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