She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
