I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
