ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
