I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
