So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
