Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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