Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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