would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
