Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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