I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
