I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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