no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
