Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
