5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
