So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
