I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
