did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
