He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
