what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
