Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
