I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
