I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Buhtt sex?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
