woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
