Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
