You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
