ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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