have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's blow job season.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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