You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
