apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
