This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
