I'm lost and stupid without you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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