Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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