what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
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I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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