No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
