I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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