Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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